Final Fantasy9 Blind Date!!!
by AlexandraNeko
Summary: Unoriginal yes, out of personality characters-yes, Cilla Black hosts Blind Date with some of the Final Fantasy 9 cast! My first ff fic!


**Blind Date...FF9 style...** _Yes, es the characters are out of characteer, yes I know, its a parody thing though....I don't own Final Fantasy or Cilla Black...certainly not..that would be quite scary....okay, I'll get on with it. _

Its been quite a while since I've done any HTML let alone write a fic, this time the fic doesn't revolve around Escaflowne, Dilandau or any of that but more Final Fantasy and of course, the ever popular British T.V. show BLIND DATE!!... As unoriginal as it is, I was inspired to write this after doing to many Cilla Black impersonations and making everyone laugh.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ As annoying as it is, Cilla enters with her stupid, stupid hair, and big teeth, the audience reluctantly applause and our guests are getting restless._

**Cilla:** Oh! Welocme to urrrr shuuoowww uveryybudddyyy...tonight one luuuuucky lady will be picking one of uuuurrr luckyyy felles' Butt firsst we'll be seeing if last weeks couple got on well on their dream huuuliday ta........CONDIE PETIE!!!

_She takes a seat on the sofa thingy, with who? You'll just have to find out!_

**Cilla:** Now, you two luuukkk so sweet together but jest how did our saucy couple get on together in the land of romance?

**Garland (snicker):** I did not have the required time to proceed with the exploration of the connection between mortality and what is beyond...

**Quina:** It was bad.-

**Garland:** I caught it in the process of mammal reproduction with a green anphibian.

**Quina:** I was hungry, I eat to fill stomach, is the way of Qu.

**Cilla:** Well it luuks like you two got on luuuvleeyyy...shall we see the videooo?

_The video thing comes on with both Quina and Garland behind the eye-sore pink and purple background, saying what they really thought of each other at the time_

**Garland:** We have just arrived at Conde Petie and it so far doesn't hold my interest at all, I may well destroy this place when I have retired from my current vacation, I have overheard that that asininity isn't even a woman, it is an assexual being.

**Quina:** Me no want to travel with scary man, he have no food. Maybe Conde Petie have food somewhere?

**Garland:** ...And it doesn't even articulate properly, I mean like, what, like a totally gross letdown!

**Quina:** Today is third day, and me still no find food...just gnomes..............lots of yum-yum gnomes...

**Garland:** That monstrousity won't let me get on with my profound studies, it likes to extert it's hunger. Last night I checked under it's apron to see what gender it was...THERE WAS A TONGUE UNDER THERE!!! SERIOUSLY!!!

**Quina:** Me almost ate scary man other night, he have no frogs though but me tired now and we have ceramony in morning

**Garland:** We have to attend some kind of ceramony in the early morning, I hope its a ticket out of here, I can't stand being with that...thing...I'm degrading myself being with it.

**Quina:** Today last day and me do something bad, Master Quale be proud, I eat gnome at ceramony.

_The video has finished and we're back with Cilla and the guys_

**Cilla:** Well it luuks like you twoo didn't go off with a 'Rally Ho!' in Condeiiii Puuuutiee then

**Quina:** Me catch gnome! YUM! YUM! Cilla talk like Condie Petie gnome! Me eat!

**Garland:** If you were a genome, I would destroy you instantly.

**Cilla:** Wuull, lets meet uuurr guests for today luukin' for a bit of luuvvv

**Audience:** *OOOOOoooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

**Cilla:** Now, shall we meet uur three hot guyss tuday then? Lets go and meet them...  
....Wutts ya name number one and where do ya come from?

**Zidane:** Hi my names Zidane and I'm from..erm.....with......Baku and the guys!!!

**Cilla:** It uuuurrrrr Zidane from...urrr I don't quite knuuuw!  
Number two, wutss ya name and wuuuuuur do ya cuum froomm?

**Kuja:** Shut up, ignorant woman.

**Cilla:** Its uuuuuuurrr Kuja from Terrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaa!!! (Wait, he didn't suy that)  
I like your clothes, tell uus a littla about yasuulf...

**Kuja:** I KNOW! Two ninety nine at Mattalan! Can you believe the prices there? I just want to shout about it!

**Cilla:** .........  
....And the suumee to numba threee

**Amarant:** I don't need a partner.

**Cilla:** Well suumone's not veryy happie today are they?

**Amarant:** Just go away.

**Cilla:** Three guuurrgeouss guys waitin' for one luvvely ladeee behind the doorrr...lets go and meet her.  
Well....hello hello luv your luukin' pretty dressed up today, whutts ya name?

**Dagger:**... **Cilla:** Duun't tell us ya lost ya voice again luv, theres nothing to be nervous about.. **Dagger:** None of us chose to be on this, we just....appeared here...

**Cilla:** Will ya bluuudy shut up and get on with the first question 

**Dagger:** I like my skin tight clothes. It's a turn on, what would be a turn on for you and why, number one? (Who writes this stuff? I'll just get some cliche for an answer)

**Zidane:** Skintight???? I love girls who wear skintight!! Any girl wearing skintight clothes was made for me!

**Dagger:** Number two.

**Kuja:**....What is everyone talking about? Skintight? DESTROYNIG GAIA AND TERRA!!! ...oh and watching the mist in the moonlight...WAIT! and dressing up in females clothes too.

**Zidane:** (weirdo)

**Kuja:** Hello little brother...

**Zidane:** YOU ARE NOT MY BROTHER!!!!

**Kuja:** Mwwwfffhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Amarant:** Ohh......the controversy

**Kuja:** You are so pathetic..you all are.

**Zidane:** You piece of crap!

**Audience:** JERRY! JERRY!!! JERRY!!!!

**Kuja:** Feeling feisty are we?

**Zidane:** You stupid weird, genome, tail bearing freak!

**Amarant:** You just dissed yourself.

**Cilla:** Cuun we jeest get un with it?

**Dagger:** Same question to number three.

**Amarant:** Huah? What was the question again? Oh. Hair turns me on.

**Zidane:** (Ewww)

**Amarant:** because......urr........big, red, bushy....

_Dagger looks a little confused_

**Dagger:** Right. I live in a palace in Alexandria, if you were to whisk me off to a palace anywhere, where would it be and why? Number two

**Kuja:** I would say 'Desert Palace' but I'd seriously dump you in Terra then destroy it.

**Dagger:** .........erm very nice. Number three?

**Amarant:** I don't need to whisk anyone off anywhere! I like being alone! I don't need friends!

**Zidane:** *cough*Aspergus syndrome suffrerer*cough*

**Amarant:** Ugg??

**Zidane:** Ugg?

**Amarant:** I don't need a lover! Or friends or ANYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Dagger:** NUMBER ONE PLEASE!

**Zidane:** Thats easy. My bedroom.

**Dagger:** Last question to number three. If you could be anyone's bra whose would it be and why?

**Amarant:** I don't know. Why would I be a bra?

**Dagger:** Number one.

**Zidane:** Freya looks good, but rat nipples!? mmmmmmm If I was a bra?? mmmm I'd be Eiko's then I wouldn't have to work so hard as a bra!

**Dagger:** Number two (sigh)

**Kuja:** I wear a bra! I'd be my own! I wear a thong, knee-high boots..oh how could anyone resist??

**Dagger:** CAN I HAVE A FOURTH QUESTION...........PLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE??????

**Cilla:** We duuunn't 'ave much time left...okay one muuuuureeee.

**Dagger:** (This has to work) Number one, if you were to sing me a song what would you sing me?

**Zidane:** #LETS TALK ABOUT SEX BBBBAAAAAYYYYBEEE LETS TALK ABOUT YOU AND MEEEEE#

**Dagger:** (At least it's a positive response) Number two please.

**Kuja:** #JOY TO THE WORLD-#

**Dagger:** (I've heard enough).

**Amarant:** I don't know, I don't sing!

**Dagger:** (This decision will be the hardest I've ever had to face)

**Cilla:** Wuull, now three guuuurggeous guys have answered your questions, its time two pick  
........It urrrrrrrrrrrr Greeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmm!!!!!!

**Graham:** Now, will it be our little brother, Zidane, who loves skin-tight clothes and wants to talk about sex but doesn't want too much of a load.....

......Or will it be fiesty Kuja from Terra, who'll wear a woman's bra for you and spread joy to the world while watching the mist and wearing a thong.........

..............Or will it be number three the boring Amarant, with his huur.....and stuff.....THE DECISION IS YOURS!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Well, I'll do another chapter but you vote who Dagger should go for (PPPPPllllllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeaaase not Amarant) Okay and Quina might not have a tongue under there, but who knows? I think I'm talking shit now......_

21:37 16/02/2002 


End file.
